My Life, My Story
by ConverseLove64
Summary: This is a story of friendship, love, and so much more
1. Prologue

I often wondered what my life would be like without her or how sad I would be if she died. It was not until this summer that I would be able to answer those questions. No, she did not die, but sometimes I feel like she did, at least the person I knew her to be. But truth is, that person is still there, buried deep beneath the skin. I see her sometimes, but only on special occasions. When she sings, my best friend I learned everything about comes out in the most beautiful and true form-music.

Yes I learned everything about her, but she also learned everything about me and even helped me learn about myself. She was the only person who knew how to help me back up when I was down. In reality, she was the only person who could see past the walls I put around me and see that I was hurting inside. It was for that reason that it hurt most when she left, or I pushed her away, whichever way you look at the situation. It was for this reason that a day has not gone by in which I do not think about her and wish that our friendship was still intact. It was for that reason that I will never find someone like her again-someone I could trust with everything-the only person I've ever been able to trust.

I still wear the friendship bracelet she gave me on my birthday, however cheesy and cliché it is. I've kept every other bracelet that had fallen off after years of constant wear and every other card, picture, gift, or note she ever gave to me. I could never throw those things away even if she could with my stuff. The way I see it, I already lost her as a friend, why simply throw away everything else of our friendship? She was everything to me and I'm going to cling on to whatever I have left of her-no matter how little it is.

What is a best friend? The definition of a "best friend" can very from person to person, but, in reality, a best friend is simply a person who is always there for you, and someone you can't get enough of. Yeah I could write my own lengthy definition and quote a hundred different people on what true friendship is, but when you get right down to it, that's what a best friend is.

She was my best friend. Actually she was the only real best friend I ever had. Yeah, I never said anything about trust in the simple definition of a best friend, but trust is the #2 most important thing in a relationship, right behind the relationship itself. Trust is the most important thing in a best friend to me. Without trust, that person is not much of a friend at all.

She was the only person I ever trusted with everything-every secret, every crush, almost every part of my life. She knows a little about my past, more than anyone else, but I would never tell anyone the whole story. That's one thing I don't trust anyone with – not even her. In spite of that, she knows more about me than any of my other friends, however little I may have. I learned not to trust people at a young age, and I never did until I met her.

With her, I knew she wouldn't judge me, but simply listen to me as I ranted about how much my life sucked or how much a guy would never like me, or just random things that any friends would talk about. She would give me advice if need be or just give me sympathy when I needed that instead. To have someone like that was the most comforting thing in the world, and I'll probably never find someone like that again. All because of one thing I said. People can make mistakes and lose friends all the time, but not someone like her. Who was she you ask? Names are but a label plastered to someone to easily distinguish them. You'll know names soon enough. This is my story.

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><p><strong>AN I am very much aware of the shortness of this chapter. It is just the prologue so don't get all pissy at me. If you like it please review! If you don't like it please review! I am all for constructive criticism. Please tell me if i should continue on! This is my first fanfiction so i don't know if it's very good.**


	2. In the Beginning

My story technically started nine years ago when I first met Carly Shay. Right away when she defended herself I knew we were going to be friends for a long time. But nothing dramatic or friendship threatening things started happening until about two years ago when we first entered our sophomore year of high school.

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><p>"Wake up Sam! I swear if you make us late for our first day of school you're making your own bacon for a month!" Carly said as she shook me as hard as she could, eventually just pushing me off her bed. No bacon for a whole month? What! I certainly wasn't going to make it myself, and Freddork never made it the way Carly did.<p>

"Ok I'm up, I'm up. Now go make me some bacon," I said grouchily "You better make it just the way I like it, and none of that fake turkey bacon you like. It's the least you could do. You know I hate school, especially the first day." The first day is always the worst. It still feels like summer, but it's the only day I feel I should make an effort at getting there somewhat on time. But this year I really didn't want to have to go back to Ridgeway so soon.

"Yeah, yeah I know. Just go take a shower and put some clothes on. I'll have your bacon ready by the time you get down stairs. K?" she said, turning to go down stairs.

"K." _UGH! Why must school start so early? Why can't it just start at 2:01 and end at 2:02? It's not like any of us actually want to be there and learn something. Except maybe nubs like the kid across the hall,_ I thought to myself as I crawled to my bag across the room to get some clothes and a towel before I trudged into the bathroom and took a shower. I spent extra long showering today, dreading what would come after.

Heading downstairs, I could already smell the heavenly aroma drifting from the kitchen.

"Your bacon's ready. You can eat it on the way to school. Spencer's busy with a customer, so we'll have to walk today," Carly said, handing me a bag of perfectly cooked bacon.

"Ugh! This day gets worse and worse! I don't even want to go to school. I put enough effort in getting up this early, why should I have to give more?"

"Aw come on Sam, it's the first day of school. You should be excited! I know I am. I cant wait to see which teachers I have and be able to use the new bag I got."

"Hey peoples what's shakin. Ready for the first day of school? " Freddie said as he walked in the room and sat at the bar across from us.

"I repeat, I don't even want to go to school. I put enough effort in getting up this early, why should I have to give more?" I said, annoyed.

"What do you mean by that?" he said, confused.

"We have to walk to school. Spencer's busy," I replied.

"Well my mom could take us. She doesn't have to go to work till 9."

"You seriously think I'm going to get in a car with Crazy? I'd rather just walk."

"K then we'd better get going."

"Fine, let's get this over with. They better have tater tots for lunch," I said walking out the door, saying my last good bye to summer.

Walking through the double doors of Ridgeway, I have to admit, I was kinda happy. No, I did still didn't like being back at school, but I did like that I would have a whole new group of freshie nubs that were unaware my terrorizing ways. And it turns out they are serving tater tots for lunch. At our lockers, I dialed my combination and started shoveling my books in that we had gotten the week before as Carly did the same.

"You ready to head to our first class," Carly said, obviously excited to be back.

"I guess. At least it's a half day since all we do is get the syllabus from each class," I replied.

"You and I have Spanish I together first period, lunch fourth with Freddie, and general PE sixth with him too. Freddie and I are taking Pre – AP classes again this year, so we won't have any core class together. At least stay out of trouble the first day. We don't need you in Principal Franklin's office so soon in the year."

"Not making any promises, but we better go." Me miserable and Carly nearly ready to pee her pants she's so excited, we head to first period Spanish. Once there we grab two available seats next to each other and patiently wait for the teacher to come in.

"¡Buenos días, classe! Me llamo Señor Garcia. ¿Como esta usted?" the teacher said, joyfully, startling us as he walked in the room. As I looked around the classroom, I was relieved I wasn't the only one lost, though a few looked like they understood. "Repetir: ¡Buenos días Señor Garica!"

"Buenos días Señor Garcia," I mumbled.

"Repetir: ¿Como esta usted?"

"¿Como esta usted?"

"Bueno, bueno. Well as I just said, my name is Mr. Garcia. I am going to teaching you Spanish for the year. In this class we will not only be learning how to speak..."

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><p><em>Finally lunch!<em> My stomach was rumbling from deprivation of food as I ran downstairs to the cafeteria. "Out of the way Puckett coming through!" I yelled pushing through several people in my effort to get there first. Once I got my food (and tater tots!), I sat down with Carly and Freddie, ready to forget the last three pointless hours of my life by downing some greasy school food when someone else sits down at our table. Nearly about to take my first bite, I glance up and see my twin sister of all people sitting sitting across from me and Carly, draping her arm around Freddie's neck. The queen of nubs looked at her and back at me, completely surprised and dumbfounded.

"Wait I thought you were bluffing about having a twin sister," Freddie finally manager to choke out.

"We tried to tell you, but you weren't willing to accept it," Carly said pointedly as I still sat there as surprised as Freddie.

"What the heck are you doing here. I thought you were at boarding school," I managed to spit out, somewhat disgusted to see Melanie.

"Well, my school wouldn't let me stay on scholarship since I got in a fight with some girl last year, and mom's obviously not going to pay for it," she replied.

"So you're going to school here?" Carly butt in, once again excited.

"Yupp. It's the only place I really can go. The transition has been pretty hard after going there for so long, but at least I know you guys," Melanie said, smiling.

"Yah we'll all help you out. This'll be so much fun getting to know you more!" Carly said, now bouncing up and down in her chair.

At that moment, I got up, and leaving my food, left the cafeteria, feeling Carly, Freddie and stupid Melanie's eyes following me the whole way. In the deserted hallway, I opened my locker and put my books from my morning classes in. Slamming my locker, I raced out the double doors to the outside world, not looking back or stopping as I could hear Carly and Freddie yelling at me to come back. I ran for God knows how long. I had dropped my backpack somewhere, unaware of what I was doing at the time. I just knew I didn't want to go back there, at least right now. I had to take in that my sister was going to be at my school for the next three years. With those three years, I knew I would be put down more than ever now that I was going to be compared to someone who looked exactly like me but was way better, just like when we were younger. I was never given a fair chance in anything since Melanie always had to be right there doing it better. She would always get good grades, had the perfect body, and get the hot guy that every girl drools over, and that guys just so happened to be Freddie. Ever since he began to workout, the girls can't stop looking at him. I was always amazed that he could get any girl he wanted, and I could hardly get a guy at all, but now it was just getting annoying. I could hardly watch when some pansy or slut walked up to him, twirling their hair around their finger, flirting with him. I guess some might say I'm jealous, but I know that could never be.

Deep in thought, I did not hear someone running behind me, but i definitely felt the hand grab my shoulder and jerk me to a stop. I shrieked an embarrassing high-pitched girly shriek, scared of who pulled me out of my thoughts. I turned around, ready to hit whoever it was when I saw Freddie standing there with my backpack slung over his shoulder.

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><p><strong>AN: Again, I am deeply sorry about the short chapter. The next one I will try to make at least double this length, if not longer. I am also sorry to those few who actually wanted me to continue on for not updating sooner. Just so you guys know, I am 14 years old and a freshmen. My writing skills are certainly not the best. If you like it, please review. If you hate it, please review. As I've said before, I am all for constructive criticism.**


	3. Truth

**Disclaimer: (I know I forgot it on the last two. Sorry!) Sadly, I do not own iCarly.**

"What the heck, Sam! What happened to you back there? You may not like me, but I've known you for four years. Yah you ditch, but you would never leave without finishing your lunch first. What's going on with you?" Freddie half yelled with concern creeping across face and a mixture of fear and worry in his eyes.

"Nothing. Why would you care anyway?" I said, struggling to get out of his tight grip on my arm. _When did he get so strong?_ My efforts were rewarded with a tightening of his grip. "Let me go!" A hint of panic was in my voice. I never liked being restricted like this. It reminded me of when my mom would beat me. She would secure my arms together with belt as tight as she could without breaking or dislocating them while she beat me (or as she would call spank) with another belt when I misbehaved. She never used the buckle, but it still hurt like heck. Hearing the panic, he let me go, but took both of my shoulders in his hands so he could look in my face. I quickly ducked my head so he would not be able to see the panic and terror that was slowly leaving my eyes, the jealousy and anger that was etched in them for the time being, and the frustration on my face. He took my chin in his and gently lifted it, but quickly let go when he saw the emotion in my eyes.

"What's wrong Sam?" He said, now deeply concerned.

"I said nothing, just leave me alone," I spat out as I took off running again. This time, I looked back, and what I saw slowed me down for a fraction of a second before I remembered what I was doing and why I was running. I saw him just standing there, stunned. He didn't move, just watched as I ran from him. _I suppose he's not very used to seeing that from me_, I thought, mentally kicking myself for letting him see the emotion inside of me. The last thing I need is for him to go running to Carly and telling her what he saw. Now _both_ of them would be looking for me trying to weasel an expatiation out of me. I slowed down after a few blocks, sure that Freddie was long gone, in an effort to think clearly. Where the heck am I supposed to go now? I can't go to Carly's, and no way am I going home. I guess there is one other place I could go without many questions-Gibby's.

A couple hours later, after I had gotten lunch at Inside Out Burger with the emergency five I always kept in my pocket, and had walked around awhile to kill time until school got out, I headed over to Gibby's. Knocking on the door, I was somewhat nervous if rumors had spread around about me.

"Hey, Sam! What's up?" Gibby said as he opened the door.

"Umm, I know this is going to be kinda weird to ask, but can I stay the night here?" I said, incredibly nervous of what he would think of me asking something like this. "I can't go to my house, and I don't really want to be interrogated at Carly's you see-"

"Yah don't worry about it. Carly and Freddie told me what happened at lunch. You can sleep in the guest room. My mom won't mind," he replied easily. "You don't have to tell me anything if you don't want to, but, you know, they're just worried about you. They're your best friends, they just want to help you in any way they can. Even Freddie."

"I don't want to talk about it."

"Ok," he said, backing off. "Just know we're all here for you when you need us."

"Yah, yah whatever. Thanks for letting me stay here."

"No problem. Dinner's at 6. Feel free to make yourself at home for the time being." As he walked back to what I assumed to be his room, I walked around and familiarized myself with the place. It was so much nicer than my house, very clean and organized, almost a toned down version of Freddie's apartment. There were pictures here and there of Gibby, Guppy, and their mom. I didn't see any of their dad, and I was smart enough to not ask about it.

It's almost comical to think that just this morning I was just complaining about the first day of school, and having to make all this effort in walking there. Now I was somewhat depressed, and I guess Gibby could sense that because he never bothered me or tried to penetrate the wall around me. His mother was a different story.

"So how have you been, Sam?"Charlotte said cheerfully as she set the table for dinner.

"Um pretty good," I replied. "Thanks so much for letting me stay here the night. I'm sorry if I'm of any trouble."

"Oh it's no trouble at all. Gibby said you just needed a place to stay tonight since your mom's out of town and Carly's busy tonight. You're one of his best friends, and no friend of my Gibby will be sleeping on the street." I gave a thankful glance a Gibby for not telling his mom the real reason I needed a place to stay, though, I was somewhat taken aback with her ease and cheerfulness about it all. It was almost scary how simple it was to find a place to stay the night. "Now why don't you go wash your hands in the bathroom down the hall; dinner's ready."

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><p>Sleeping at Gibby's house was probably the most bizarre thing I've ever done. The house itself wasn't weird, but just staying at a house I wasn't familiar with and people I wasn't that close to was just, I don't know, awkward, but only for me. The Gibsons all welcomed me graciously into their house and didn't mind in the slightest that I was staying in their guest room, usually reserved for relatives.<p>

I was awakened from a fitful sleep by a tapping on my window, though, I wasn't scared at all. I'm used to random people tapping at my window, trying to sneak into one of my mom's parties while I was listening to music or reading a book. This time, I almost expected someone to come during the night, but it was who was coming that I had wrong. Looking out the dark window across the room, it wasn't Carly, but Freddie I saw cupping his hands around his eyes in an effort to see in better. I crossed the room, highly annoyed to have been robbed of sleep, no matter what kind. I stood in front of the window with my arms crossed over my chest, glaring at him for a couple minutes before I opened it, letting him out of the Seattle cold. Yes, it gets cold at night in August.

"Ok one, how did you know I was here, two, what do you want, and three does Carly know you're here?" I snapped, giving him icy stares.

"I knew you were here because I went to your house and you weren't there, and this is the only other place I could think of that you could have gone." I cursed under my breath for making it so easy for him to find me. "Carly doesn't know I'm here, I didn't want her to. That's why I came so late. And the fact my mom's working a night shift tonight made it that much easier to get out of the apartment so late. What's going on with you, Sam? I know it must be something big. You never run away from a problem. You just take it head on." I saw a flash of concern in his eyes again. It wasn't as noticeable as last time, but it was definitely there. He was trying to hide it by looking down at his feet, collecting himself before looking deep into my eyes, as if trying to see my soul, saying, softly this time, "What's wrong Sam?"

"I told you nothing's wrong. I just needed some air to breathe, a place to just think without being interrogated like this. Why do you care anyway? It's not like we're 'best friends' or anything," I said, exasperated. It was clear he was hurt by that comment, pain now polluting his eyes. Right now, I didn't really care; I just wanted him out of here.

"We may not be _best_ friends, but I still think of us as friends, and I care about my friends. They're all that keep me from not going crazy because of my mom," he said, chuckling slightly before going back to being serious again. "Can you at least tell me why you won't tell anyone why you are so upset?"

"I told you nothing's wrong with me. I just want to think," I said through gritted teeth. "Now go home."

He sighed. "Fine, but know that Carly and I are here for you when you do want to talk. I'm not stupid. I know something's upsetting you. I'm not trying to bug you or anything. I just want to help you; same with Carly." As he began to climb back out the window, I felt somewhat guilty. I mean he just wanted to help me in any way that he could, and I was treating him like crap.

"Wait," I said barely audible, but I knew he heard when he stopped, about to jump out of the window. "Look I'm sorry for treating you and Carly like this. It's just hard for me to talk about. It makes me feel…"

"…weak?" Freddie finished for me. He climbed back into the room and led me to the bed to sit down. "What on Earth could ever make the all mighty Samantha Puckett feel weak?" I smiled ever so slightly.

"Not exactly weak, more like a useless failure to the human race," I said rather bluntly.

"What?" He did not see _that_ coming. He bent down on his knees to get a good look at my face. He could see everything – all the pain, sadness, self pity – in my eyes. I didn't even bother to try to hide it; I knew it wasn't possible. Freddie of all people broke me.

"How can you say you're a useless failure to the human race? You're anything _but_ that. Sam, why would you say something like that?" I could tell he was somewhat frightened by my self-worth.

I took a deep breath, "Melanie."

"What about Melanie?"

Right then everything poured out. I didn't really care that he would know about something so deep inside of me. I just needed to let it out. "Do you know what it's like to be constantly compared to someone who looks exactly like you, but is everything you're not? When Melanie and I were younger, I never got a fair chance in anything. Even if I tried the very best I could, it was never good enough to be better than Melanie. In the end, I just stopped trying. I figured, 'well why bother try if I'm never going to succeed.' She would always get good grades, had the perfect body, and get the hot guy that every girl drools over. Everything good happens to her and nothing good ever happens to me. Melanie got to go to a fancy boarding school on scholarship while I stayed home with my mom, and get all the..." I was letting out everything inside of me, but I wasn't going to go as far to tell Freddie about the beating I had gotten courtesy of my mother. "My mom never cared about me. She always loved Melanie more. Everyone does. And now she's back here, I don't want to go back to how things were." I could barely choke out the last words of my rant before breaking down crying right then and there. Sitting back on the bed, he stroked my back as I let out all of the emotion inside of me, sobbing into his shoulder, just needing to feel someone who cared about me, even if that person was someone I constantly made fun. He was the first person able to break down the wall around me and truly see inside of me.

"Shhh...It's ok Sam. It's ok."

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><p><strong>AN: First of all, I am beyond sorry for the two and a half week wait for a new chapter. I hate to think I'm going to be one of _those_ authors who doesn't update frequently. Sorry! From now on, I'll try to update every week/week and a half-ish. **Like I said, I'm only 14 and a freshman in high school, I'm most certainly not the best writer. **Anyway, if you like it, please review. If you hate it, please review. I am all for constructive criticism.**


	4. AN Please Read!

**A/N: I am really sorry if you expected another chapter, and I'm really sorry for doing a stupid A/N chapter, but I really wanted to say something. This story is deffinitally written from my heart based on things that have happened in my life, and since it's _based_ on things that have happened in my life, a lot of what I'm writing isn't true. But, since I wanted it to follow things in my life, it makes it harder to come up with chapters. Therefore, I'm only going to write when I feel inspired. I'll try my best to up date at the very least once a month. I'm not freakin elenorr1gby, and this isn't the Ballad of Sam and Freddie. (Btw if you havn't for some crazy reason NOT read that story, go. Do it now. Trust me you won't regret it. I'd rather you read that incredible story than anything I will ever write. She is the best author on this entire site, and she updates like everyday with incredible chapters that can not be matched by anyone else.) Anyway, done with that mini-rant, I really don't want to feel pressured to update all the time like said author, and I want to be able to write when I want to according to my imagination and my schedule. Again, I am very sorry to those who like this story and wish I would update more. Trust me, though, it will be a good story.**


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